Friday, June 08, 2012
So I am sitting here at 3 am bored stupid smoking a joint and hoping that it perks me up a little when an old online backgammon friend comes on MSN and IM’s me.
Bill comes on once every six months to talk to me and it’s usually because he wants something, like the time he begged me to go on Ebay to force up the bids on a boat he had on sale there.
“Long time no talk Walker”.
“Yes it has been a while hasn’t it”.
“What do you want”?
“Ouch, I guess I only look for you when I need something but it’s your fault”.
“You are the go to guy”.
“Uh huh, so what do you want this time”.
“Well the girlfriend and I are bored and want to watch some porn but we don’t have any, but then I thought of you and I just know you know where we can get some porn”.
“What do you think I am NetFucks”?
“I don’t know where you go to get porn and what the hell do you need porn for”?
“We want to add a little spice to the night to get started”.
“You don’t need porn for that all you need is some lube and a strap on dildo”.
“Yeah man, this is what you do; first get cozy and feel the heat coming off of each other’s bodies until you get steam up to the point where you have to grab her tits”.
“By the way is she there”?
“Yeah, she’s right next to me”.
“Then you better get her at the screen to read this so you don’t forget”.
“Anyway, as you’re pinching her nipples through her blouse, kiss n chew on the back of her neck.
Don’t go Dracula on her, gently show her how sharp your teeth are”.
“After a while and if you are doing it right she should be tugging at your belt”.
“This is where you start peeling each other’s clothes off while continuing to maul each other”.
“Slowly make you way down her body to her pussy and settle in for a full coarse meal”.
“If you hear moaning couple with a lot of squirming you are doing it right”.
“If you get a heel in the forehead between snores, you are not”
“Assuming you don’t have a bruise between you eyes gently rub her ass button with a lubed thumb while still chewing her pussy and slowly pushing it in at the same time”.
“Are you taking notes”?
“Yeah, yeah keep going”.
“Ok then, after both holes are well lubed up crawl back up and push yourself right on into her pussy and well, let your instincts take over”.
“When both of you are flipping out of your minds pull out and slowly slide in up her butt”.
“She’s either going to freak and scratch out your eyes or go nuts and fuck your dick off”.
“Either way you’re going to get hurt and maybe die with a smile on your face but if the horny gods see it fit to let you live and you aren't totally spent, it's your turn or hers, depending how you look at it”.
“This is where she throws you on your back and washes your cock with a soft cloth soaked in soapy water”.
“When its nice and clean she will suck your cock while slicking up your ass with a greasy thumb until the head of your cock wants to explode in her mouth but she leaves you hanging so she could strap on the gear”.
“You getting all this Bill”?
“This is Debbie”?
“Where is Bill”?
“He is in the basement duct taping my vibrator to his jock strap”
“ I see”.
“Keep going I will tell his what you are saying”.
“Uh huh…. ok well then ummm yes, when the strap on is secure and you better make sure there is a lot of duct tape or you will be having a hell of a time trying to explain to the doctors at emergency why Bill has a big vibrator lost up his butt. Use the KY or whatever other lubricant you might have laying around, olive oil, 5w30, spit and grease up your tool or not depending how he made you feel when it was his turn”.
“The rest, well you don’t need me to paint a picture from here on, it’s fairly simple to figure out.”
“Oh I think I got it from here on and here’s Bill just in time, thanks”.
It was about this time when Inia came online and asked me how my night was, which I told her, “quiet”.
“What did you do today”.
“Nothing much, just helped a friend float his boat”.
‘That was nice of you”.
“I’ll find out in about six months if he ever calls me back”.
“Huh, ok what did you do”?
“Me, nothing, absolutely, nothing”.
“Uh huh, I know you……..”.
“That’s why I love you, you know me so well”.
“Yeah right, I am watching the Canadian news to make sure”.
“Actually the friend is an American”.
“Oh so you’re sticking it to an American now”.
“Not me, you're the only American I stick it too”.
Have a nice weekend